I have been taking my camera with me on my runs, runs that used to go by in a blur of frenzied thought. With my running partner moved to Kelowna and going solo again, my mind is keeping me company. For a "head case" like me this isn't a good thing. I can keep myself distracted in thought and only "see" when my mind takes a brief and short breath. What most people find peaceful and serene, I find boring. "Talking" to myself makes the time go by.
This could be a good thing if I was coming up with cures for diseases or solutions to bring about world peace. That's what I would like you to think about me, somebody whose mind is focused on serving. Hah!, wouldn't you be surprised if you could hear my chatter. It always amazes me how self-absorbed I really am. I could fill a whole run on a beautiful day with dreams of grandeur, petty grievances against others, monotonous soap operas of my day-to-day drama and what I am going to do with those millions Pat is sure to win one of these days.
When Cindy ran with me we shared our lives, gave each other a listening ear (okay, Cindy listened more than I did), gave each other support and found out that two heads really are better than one, that community (communion) is what makes us human. We laughed together, we cried together, we let our anger out and let the peace in, we shared our hopes for our families, our dreams for ourselves, we talked things through and found that it was safe to just be. We held each other accountable and gave each other a break. We gave each other perspective and most importantly, we gave and received friendship - a friendship based on mutual respect and great love for the other. With Cindy, I could be the person I wanted to be. She made me want to be a better human being.
But now I am on my own again and oh how far I have fallen. I have found that being alone has made me insular, petty and small. The world has retreated to revolve around me and my view is very narrow. Reason is gone, replaced with that spiteful little "me" who always wants to be heard and noticed. You know it is bad when you just want yourself to shut up and get a life.
And where did I get that life from - from my wonderful husband Pat. His gift of a camera for my trip to Iceland has opened up a whole new world to me on my runs. At first I started taking the camera because the swans were migrating - my favorite time of year in the North. I love to watch the flocks and flocks of swans fly overhead and this year I wanted to get a picture. The camera is small and I can easily carry it while running, and that's when my eyes opened.
That run in the first snowfall of the year is what started it for me. I immediately was entranced by the beauty on the trail. What I normally would have found a few moments to be absorbed in became a picture I wanted to share with Pat, with Cindy, with my children, with my mom, with friends, with colleagues, with anyone who appreciates the wonder of God's handiwork. I stopped to take that first picture and I was hooked. Every step I took brought a new scene into view, one that was breathtaking and inspiring. A new angle, a bit of colour, a bird in a tree, a snowflake fluttering in the wind - it was so beautiful and I wanted to share this moment with everyone.
Paths started to appear and my eyes were drawn to them. What have always been there on my running route were suddenly revealing themselves to me. I wanted to capture the entrance and discover the secrets those paths led to. I wanted to be a part of their mystery.
I have been carrying my camera ever since on my runs. I run the same route almost every day and yet each day brings a whole new world. The light has changed, more leaves have fallen, the sky is a different colour, the trees are swaying differently, a branch has fallen, the birds are calling - it is new every day and my eyes are "seeing" for the first time. I am totally absorbed in the beauty of it all and the world is expanding. My view is widening and my selfish chatter is floating away. I am falling into the peace and letting myself be embraced by the love of creation.
This morning my run was more like a run and stop. Every few steps I stopped to see the hoar frost on a leaf, a branch, a cluster of trees and I was dazzled by how much light was revealed even though it was a foggy and grey morning. The hoar frost danced in the emerging sunlight knowing that it would soon die. It didn't care about that future. It only lived in the now and let its whole being shine.
My little "i" is still with me, clamoring to be noticed. But the bigger "I", the one that is a part of creation is finding a way to just be. Thank you paths, hoar frost and Pat for opening up the world again. I still miss you Cindy but now I know you are here because you are a part of creation and you are with me every step of the way.
Live, laugh, love and run.....
