Making Space for Joy

With the New Year of 2021 starting much like the ending of 2020, waiting for some future time to bring us “better times” has me feeling like the saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

There is a lot of bad stuff happening here and around the world. There is a lot to feel bad about. At the same time, there is joy lingering, not willing to give up the “good fight”.

Making space for joy can sometimes be a challenge when we are consumed by the ills that surround us and bombard us with their messages of despair.

Yet joy remains ready to surprise us when we open ourselves and make one small tiny change in our daily routine. The list is endless as to what that can be - a 5 minute walk in sunshine, playing a favorite song with the space to move to the music, closing our eyes and listening to all the sounds that surround us, doing a breathing exercise, finding an image that you can stare at and lose yourself in, watching the birds at a bird feeder - it really is all about taking a few minutes, absorbing yourself in paying attention and letting the moment fill you with awe, curiosity, wonder.

Despair, sadness, anger, fear, hopelessness, grief, frustration - those feelings won’t disappear. Life has been happening, life has etched itself upon you in all of its moments. Getting rid of, ignoring, running from all of those feelings/moments is the saying above, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Allowing ourselves time to be filled with whatever shows up with intention to pay attention to the moment helps us release emotions that are ready to leave. Lightness is what we seek for our journey of life. We want to be nimble and not overloaded so that every step becomes a burden. We want to be in those moments, living them and using our emotions to be our “early warning system”, they are there to have us pay attention to a moment and choose a response that fits for the situation. We will choose wisely, we will chose unwisely and no matter what we choose, life will continue in all of its complexity allowing us to change our responses continuously.

Joy, to me, is embracing life as a child full of wonder at everything children see, touch, hear, taste, feel and learning as they go - don’t touch hot things, maybe grass isn’t the best thing to eat, bathing in the sunlight that reaches your face is comforting, self-soothing to fall asleep is a good strategy, playing is fun, stopping to eat gives energy, a nap refreshes, tears are a great release and bring others running to help.

Give space, find space, be the space - the joy you discover will lighten your load and help you be the joy for others on the journey.

My moments of much joy in 2020, continue to bring me joy in the images captured, the joy has lingered waiting for me to give the space to ENJOY. May you find some joy in these photos.

The ebb and flow of living while grieving.

When a parent dies in old age it isn’t unexpected, it is something, you think, you have been preparing for. Reality is different. You remind yourself that you have been living and being present with a dear loved one and death was an abstract thought not a real moment. Emotions flow and you find yourself weeping rivers of tears through a gaping hole that has opened in your heart. Loss is deep and what was buried has erupted forth emerging into a landscape that is familiar and altered at the same time.

Welcome to your life while grieving.

At peace, at rest, lived a good long life, free of Alzheimer’s, great memories to comfort, joining loved ones….you will say and hear so many of these lines. You will rotate them, meditate on them, chew on them absently as a volcanic rise of emotion erupts and continues to spew the burning lava of your soul. Your attempts to control this will be a drama unfolding with unwilling actors who have accidentally stepped into your theatre expecting to be the audience, instead they become thrust onto the stage, expected to give a perfect performance without any rehearsal or desire to be in the spotlight.

You are the audience watching it all unfold and you are the director throwing twists and turns in every moment to see if each person is worthy of staying in your theatre.

Expect to be disappointed in all, including your own shell that appears in every scene. Expect the actors to be confused by your directions, unable to interpret your erratic commands. Expect yourself to give a robotic performance, one distracted by the waxing and waning of anger, sadness, emptiness.

Expect your drama to continue even when all have left the stage. It was always meant to be a one-woman play. The critics (yourself), will call it confusing, melodramatic, dishonest, sappy, pointless, dull. No matter, you will ignore the criticism and continue letting it all flow, finding paths unseen, gurgling streams of hot molten emotional lava to violently alter your inner landscape.

You will live an alternate life of home, work, community that keeps a rhythm going, a beating heart, a space to retreat when the lava gets too hot to bear. Familiar and predictable will be chased down and chained to your existence.

It’s okay. It is the ebb and flow of living while grieving. You are meant to go this alone and at the same time be surrounded by supporters. Expected, unexpected. Joy, sorrow. Anger, numbness. Giving, receiving. Faith, fear.

Love is what is flowing, scarring your life with its healing powers. Let it flow and know that every scar is one that is leading you home where you will find comfort in the certainty of a loving existence in an uncertain next step on the journey.

My familiar….getting outside and taking pictures.

Celebrating the onset of winter

Winter is like the ice forming on the lake, as the days go by it builds until the thought of Spring is pushed aside for the winter wonderland that emerges.

Colours fade or get buried under the snow. Light dances across the crystals making everything sparkle. Shadows are piercing in the starkness. Vegetation that has dwindled and dried bends to the will of nature. Decay is frozen in time.

Biting cold winds sweep the tears from your face and survival for the next step becomes the focus. Hearth and home is a place you are going knowing that warmth will be your reward.

Each morning hope is kindled as you await the first rays of light that spill through your window. A moment of joy is captured. The fading afternoon light is cherished as a dear friend leaving for shores unknown.

Moods are sluggishly cultivated ready to settle for the long winter ahead. When joy comes it is keenly felt and held close lighting the corners of our darkest days.

I will hold the mystery of winter, embrace its harshness, and celebrate this sharp change of season like a slap across my soul.

Fall Days to Feed the Soul

Physical distance visits combined with Fall colours and walks on the beach noticing the light, small insects and surprises on driftwood keep the soul thriving.

A few of the pictures that breathe life into the moments lived.

Taking another look

Carrying a camera on my walks helps me stop and take another look. This driftwood on the beach captivated me with the hole opening to the Fall scene beyond. What made me stop and notice was the morning light that was starting to spill over the sand dune reaching the hole in the root of this tree. Light beckoned and the stage for a unique photo captured my imagination.

Where I began started a journey of discovery as I moved in for a closer look marvelling at the lines etched into the wood, the paths they formed, the twists of the roots and the immensity of its presence lodged into the sandy shore.

What life had it lived? What life had it supported? Where did its roots plant themselves digging further for sustenance? How many leaves had it shed? How many offshoots did it spawn? Curiosity kept me rooted and exploring the surfaces of the tree’s existence.

Beauty revealed itself in every moment. Awe expanded and filled the gaps of me as I took another look at the life that embraces me daily in all its diversity, in all its silent contributions.

What would it take for me to take another look at the lives of those who are often discarded in our societies, drifting around? The ones who struggle to find shelter, who struggle to live with unspeakable pasts, who struggle to be in the present, whose lives are considered to be less valuable than the privileged in our communities.

What does it take for us all to “step into another person’s shoes” and walk with them? What would we discover if we could see the lines of life etched on their very being?

I know I have found incredible beauty in such encounters. A ready smile, a greeting, a joke made, kindness shown, a life story slowly revealed.

The first look for most of us is often the last with quick judgment clouding the view, blocking the light that longs to spill over.

I want to take another look. I want to take the moment to let the first reaction of judgment pass and do what love commands us to, act. A smile, a nod of acknowledgment, a friendly greeting, time to have a conversation.

And yes, real change in how we structure our societies in a way that dismantles systemic racism, builds equity of opportunity, supports mental and physical health, treats addictions as a health issue first and foremost, provides safe shelter for those in need and makes the environment a healthy space for all species.

We can all take another look if we let that light spill into our consciousness.

To fellow Slave Lake residents, send your letters of support to the Slave Lake Native Friendship Centre for renting the old Medical/Parent Link building for the Mat program and expanding the services provided to the homeless in our community beyond an emergency Homeless Shelter. They are looking to support those struggling with mental health/addictions issues which includes the youth who are currently couch surfing and at huge risk. Address your letters to the Slave Lake Native Friendship Centre (SLNFC), you can drop your letters off there or email: mattcoordinator@gmail.com Phone: 780-849-3039 if you have questions and/or want clarification.