What do you get when you combine that time of life with that time of year and that time of the month? One cranky, crabby, ornery woman (my spell check listed hornier when I hovered over ornery the way I spelled it the first time - was that ever wrong!).
Perimenopause during the dark and cold days of winter with an erratic cycle thrown in for good measure makes for poor companions. Fortunately for Pat he works all day and with the snow we have been getting, he shovels outside for most of the evening and can avoid spending too much time with the "monster" in the house. The other good part is that he is maturing well - a good sign is that he is learning how to keep his mouth shut when I can't.
You know you are moody when you can't even stand to be around yourself. That's how it has been for the past two weeks. Every morning is a challenge to drag myself out of bed and face the day. Being with myself is more company than I care to have. I would have been happy if I could have ditched myself. But that is the problem, you never can run away from yourself.
So if you follow my blog and wondered why I hadn't posted anything in two weeks, it wasn't from lack of trying. Every time I went to write something it ended up being an irrational rant that even I couldn't stand listening to. I started and stopped more times than I care to remember and even now the "draft" postings haunt me in the sidelines as I write this post.
I know things are looking up. Life doesn't seem as horrible, the little things that happen not as dramatic and the smiles I give are not being forced upon my face. I'm not growling as much and I am remembering to be thankful for life. What helped? The sun coming out for the past two days, the weather warming up, the daily runs I take, getting 7-8 hours of sleep every night, eating well, sticking to routines, keeping up with work, reading a good book, social gatherings with friends, a day of relaxation once per week and a very loving and understanding husband.
The other thing that helped is age. That's right AGE! Experience does help a lot. I know that I will get through this, I know that things will change, I know that I am being irrational and I just have to let it run its course. A good and wise friend said, you have to let yourself feel so the feeling can move on. Resistance is futile (and a waste of the little energy you have). You are in a funk and you have to let the funk happen so it doesn't linger longer than it should. Like the weather in Alberta - if you don't like it, wait five minutes and it will change. The waiting is the part that is challenging and like so many challenges, rewarding when you finally reach the light. I can see the light again.
So a quickie for now (Pat's hoping that translates into more than a post!). I am going to sit here and absorb that life-giving light. Have a great week.
