With Father's Day here, dad's been on my mind. I have been thinking of how much of a presence he had in my life and how his larger than life ego filled my growing up years. He was opinionated, intelligent, loud, and his presence was overwhelming. From the demands he made, to the jokes he cracked, to the profession he chose (surgeon - emergency room), to the friends he cultivated, to the family ties he insisted on - he dominated every aspect of our lives. There was no missing him and no matter how quiet you were, there was no hiding from him.
Let me make myself clear - my dad was a wonderful man. Loving, generous, fun and he had a BIG ego. He was no wallflower waiting for the party to come to him - he always grabbed the attention and held on to it, sometimes in the most outlandish ways. He never let his children off the hook, always challenging us to debates, getting us to speak our minds so he could show us the error of our logic/argument, pushing us in our studies and sports to always do better. It was hard to live up to expectations that were just out of reach because the target kept moving every time we took a shot. There was no resting on our "laurels".
Dad didn't rest either. His ego may have been BIG, but his sense of justice, thirst for knowledge, devotion to family and strong belief in service put that ego to good use. And he taught us that if your primary focus is to feed your ego, you will always find someone else with a bigger and hungrier ego waiting to devour yours. He made us think, question our assumptions/knowledge and learn to listen to others - even if it was just listening to him. He showed us how your "gut" reaction could be extreme but your SOUL would be there to make you humble, to help you learn, to forgive, to be open to AWE and to LOVE.
His greatest gift was his ability to tell the funniest stories about himself - the ones where his ego and arrogance had taken control and put him in an awkward situation. He would have us laughing as he laughed at that small part of himself that demanded attention. He set the example so we could lighten up, let go of our small selves and let the creative power of the universe be our guide to much greater pastures of enlightenment.
And when he couldn't set a good example, his poor behaviour did the job. Dad was smart - he knew that each generation is responsible for their choices and we can choose to grow up, to become adults who choose love as our source and let that ego tantrum itself out.
Thank you Dad. I love you and I know I am well loved always. Your presence is still BIG and with me in the place you made home - my heart.
